To the ‘short and fat mother of the groom’: Please READ this.

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It’s springtime and wedding season is clearly blooming.  How do I know for sure?  I’m finding more and more traffic on my essay, titled “Who Says You Can’t Wear Black To Your Son’s Wedding?

I wrote it several years ago, shortly after my eldest son was married.   I’d stressed for months over what to wear to his wedding. MONTHS.  Just as I was concluding the Gods MUST be crazy,  a Coke bottle fell from the sky, carrying with it the epiphany which finally lit up my bulb:  It’s not about what you wear, it’s about how you feel in what you’re wearing.  And if you let anyone tell you otherwise, well…you’ve got bigger issues than what to wear to your son’s wedding.

What’s hilarious are the search terms folks are entering into their search engines which lead them to my essay.  Today, someone from The Republic of China typed in these words to their search engine:  ‘short and fat mother of the groom what do I wear’.       SERIOUSLY?  Yesterday someone typed in: ‘what do you wear in your hair at your son’s wedding’, and someone else typed in: ‘dress suit no ties’. And my personal favorite; ‘what to wear to a wedding when the groom wears shorts’.

When did Google become the Ambassador of Dress Code Decorum?  My son, the groom, wore a linen suit, no tie and Panama sandals, for heaven’s sake.  Google didn’t advise him. Nor did Bing.  His own sense of decorum was his guide, and like his 5 o’clock shadow, he was comfortable in his own skin.  He went for the beachy, California vineyard style that he never normally sports.  He’s typically a flannel and jeans kinda guy.  But that’s okay…it was HIS day, not mine.  And I sure didn’t want to spoil it by wearing someone else’s skin, feeling like an imposter on one of the most special days of my life.

12 thoughts on “To the ‘short and fat mother of the groom’: Please READ this.

  1. A motivating discussion is definitely worth comment. I do believe that you should publish more about this subject matter, it may not be a taboo subject but generally people do not speak about these topics. To the next! All the best!!


    • Life and Other Turbulence

      This comment was flagged as spam, and in fact, it might be. However, I think it’s a very valid remark on this particular topic, and for that reason I’m going to reply with: Thank you for the read, and for agreeing with me that women need to understand that it’s not WHAT you’re wearing that is important, but how you FEEL in what you’re wearing. All the best to you as well!!


  2. I wanted to thank you for this wonderful read!! I certainly loved every little bit of it. I have got you saved as a favorite to check out new things you post…


  3. Keep this going please, great job!


  4. Well, sadly, when you feel short and fat and you have to dress for a wedding, ahhhhh. What steps do you take to find what to wear. Sure I’m still going to feel short and fat, but what type of dress makes a short, fat person look better….. so she’ll feel better when wearing it? I don’t want to be using the internet to tell me how to dress; I use it to try and save some time. Life is changing so rapidly right now with a wedding popping up. I feel tired as it is (trying to figure out what my body is doing these days). I’m glad I found your discussion. I really want to enjoy this time, and not stress out and feel overwhelmed. Thank you for writing this.


    • Life and Other Turbulence

      Dear Carla,
      Oh, how I can relate! Having spent so much time dress shopping (both online and in stores), I finally just got to the point where I didn’t care anymore. I turned it all around and simply decided that my sole focus was to share in the joy of the bride and groom, and spend no further time stressing over what I was going to wear (which is how I ended up wearing black). Even though I was told black is a no-no from an etiquette point of view, it just didn’t matter to me anymore. I was unable to find anything else that was comfortable and flattering (or even age appropriate). The hems were too short, necklines too low, fabrics too clingy. So I went with a simple black dress (Adriana Papell), that gave me room to breathe, and used a summery loose-knit gold threaded wrap that added color and a bit of pizazz. I wore heals that matched the wrap, and called it done. I was comfortable all day long, never once thought about what I was wearing, and had a wonderful time. THAT’S the memory I wanted. And I truly do wish the same for you. Thank you so very much for taking the time to comment, and I hope you’ll let me know how the special day turned out for you. Sending all good wishes!


  5. Oh so happy I found this….I too am the “short and fat mother of the groom” and stressed endlessly over what to wear. Everyone around me has been dieting and losing although barely needing to do so to begin with. I have been suffering from tachycardia this year and had opted to treat it with medication rather than ablation. Suffice to say the medicine is not controlling it very well as I tach at 160-170 several times a week so exercise is impossible at this point. I will have the ablation but after the wedding, i am on a dr approved diet but the frustration was overwhelming.
    I’ve decided to plant a smile on my face and go with the day and enjoy! Thank you for your blog!


    • Life and Other Turbulence

      Dear Ann,
      Take in those special moments of the wedding day that will surely become cherished memories, and know that your inner glow will radiate pure happiness to everyone around you!
      Thank you for reading my blog, and for reaching out and sharing which I know is never an easy thing to do. I hope when the wedding is over, the ablation procedure is the beginning of the road to renewed health.

      Your very kind words here and on my intro page have really lifted my spirits about the whole blogging thing. This post (Who Says You Can’t Wear Black To Your Son’s Wedding?’) has received thousands of hits (and presumably ‘reads’), yet so very few comments from readers. Knowing that my experience has encouraged or resonated with just one reader is enough to make me so very happy I’ve shared. I’m sending you a virtual HUG along with hearty congratulations on the marriage of your child!


  6. Keep on writing, great job!


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